Gosh it’s been a while since I last wrote a blog article. So much stuff has happened and despite heaps of good intentions, not a lot of writing has made it to this blog! As I do every year, I hereby set my intention to be more diligent in the coming year.
As many other folk will also do, here is my review of my 2018 – a year that could have been the end-game of a very intense and fraught decade of disasters. Instead it has been an amazing year. As I think about the catalogue of woes of this year, I could be forgiven, I think, for curling up, burying my head in the sand and refusing to move into the world, but something happened on 8th January that completely changed how I viewed my world.
Backing up to the end of 2017: I was living separate from my husband – a decision initially brought about by work, but which became comfortable – in a gorgeous old Queenslander workers’ cottage three hours’ drive from where my husband ran our holiday accommodation business. I lived alone with my dog; was studying, offering holistic counselling and spiritual healing and growing into my Self for what was probably the first time in my life. On December 31st my husband called asking for help with cleaning the holiday apartments as the regular cleaner had been offered another job. So, 1st January 2018 saw me packing up the bare minimum, throwing the dog in the car and heading back to Hervey Bay.
So many memories of living in that place, and not many of them good memories, so by 8th January I was emotionally struggling and decided to go to the beach and meditate. I was really low and although I was far from being suicidal, if the Mother Ship had landed next to me, scooped me up and flown me off to other parts of the Galaxy I’d have gladly left everything behind and gone. I meditated on gaining more Balance in my life which had been out of control for many years. Pretty much all my life had been a roller-coaster and I’d had enough.
Spirit sent the answer almost immediately. I finished my meditation turned around to climb the sea wall back home and slipped on the first step breaking my ankle. Well – not just breaking it, but doing about as thorough a job of smashing it up as you can possibly do without breaking the skin. Long story short – I was rescued by the Fire Service, was hospitalised twice, surgery had me become the proud owner of a huge pile of titanium, two months of injecting myself in my belly every day and a total of 9 weeks with my leg stuck in the air.
Oh! I forgot to mention that I was living with my husband and my dog (who weighed 63kg) in two small rooms at the back of the work office. No proper kitchen, no view to outside, nowhere to move – pretty miserable. Enforced bedrest gives you a choice. You can wallow in self-pity or you can seek the Joy where you can. I’d had a lifetime of self-pity, I had asked for Balance and although balancing on crutches wasn’t my plan, I realised that this was the start of my learning what I needed to learn in order for that balance to come into my life.
The year moved forward from that point – the bank threatened to foreclose on our mortgages (a whole back story there); the new owner of the business moved in and started running things, and so we needed to get out. The minute I was relatively mobile we all piled in the car and drove the 17 hours to where my husband’s son lives.
We had absolutely no income and only had whatever belongings we had been able to fit on the back of a ute and we had to sell whatever we had in order to pay the rent. I applied for unemployment benefit but in the meantime we sold everything including beds, table, chairs, washing machine…. You certainly discover who are true friends in such situation.
This is only the tip of the iceberg of the woes in my family, but you get the picture. But when I was laid on the beach with that smashed ankle, moving into and out of consciousness, I felt very strongly that this was needed. That something had to break in order to heal – and I am not talking about the various bones in my ankle!
This was one of those pivot points that everyone experiences at some time. A time of choice. Do I wallow, do I bewail my bad luck, do I fight or do I accept that Spirit has a plan?
I don’t see myself as a fighter. Anything that has a feel of violence – even certain words – ties me up in knots. I had been fighting for many years, through many traumas and with this injury I realised I had no fight left. The Law of Attraction was in place – the more I fought, the more stuff appeared that needed to be fought for. So instead, I Accepted.
I accepted the weeks confined to bed. I accepted the loss of my home and that wonderful people who are barely more than strangers, went into my house and packed up my belongings. I accepted that it will take 2 years to get fully mobile. I accepted that we had fought through floods, bank errors, vicious attacks from neighbours and ex-friends. I accepted the loss of our business. I accepted the most amazing people who came into my life, sometimes just for a few minutes, sometimes for longer. Spirit-sent for sure. I accepted more home moves; battles with Government agencies; no income and the need to cancel plans to visit family and friends. I have accepted that some family members are not willing to help (man that one hurt, but I have accepted) and that other family members will give their all to help. I have accepted that my Spiritual Sisters are my strongest family.
And in all this acceptance I have learned. I have learned to see the threads that bind us together. Stretching throughout my lifetime and the lifetimes of every single being I have come into contact with. Stretching through all dimensions and ages, I have learned to see the tapestry that is woven that brings me to this point. This place where I am now.
I see Balance. My husband met someone who had work available that is exactly what I needed and gives me time still for my Spiritual work. I am teaching people in my new town the things that are dearest to my heart such as meditation and belly dancing and greeting the Full Moon. And the people of this new town are the most amazing, friendly, open-hearted folk. I knew as soon as I first stepped out of the car onto the foreshore of this place that I had Work to do here. Spiritual Work. Within days a local lady stopped and spoke with me. She told me that she knows I have Spiritual Work to do here and that she had been waiting for me. We have worked together for many, many lifetimes and we both recognise this. It is a beautiful thing. Most of all I see the Energy of Spirit behind everything that has happened in my life – and that all things were needed for me to become who I am right now. Today.
Slowly, the ties to the traumas of the past years are being resolved. Some are painful, some are amazingly smooth, but one by one they are being dealt with.
And so I greet 2019 with Joy. I am at Peace. I survived and came out whole. I am stronger mentally and emotionally than I have ever been. Physically? Lots of work to do there LOL. 12 months being physically inactive, especially when you are no spring-chicken, plays havoc with the waistline and the fitness!!!
Through the entire year, the back-bone of being willing to carry on, are those who helped: my husband’s son and his family and my Spiritual Sisters. These are true Family.
I am starting to understand the reason I landed in this town, and the lessons I am here to understand and grow with. I have no doubt that the year to come is likely to have its own set of problems, but I have learned deeply, the adage that everything happens for a reason. This lesson has cropped up many times in this life, but now I am able to see the threads and the weaving that brings together a Tapestry of Life that continues to grow into it’s beautiful whole with each day that passes and each person I meet. The difficulties of life offer you the opportunity to tie a tight knot to strengthen that tapestry; an opportunity to change the colour of the thread you have been weaving. They enrich your life – if that is what you choose.
A few years ago, as I moved from being a Newbie on my Spiritual Journey and entered my Neophyte stage of growth – a period when you have made a deep commitment to this Journey of the Soul, but are very much at the start of the learning process – and I started to write. I am a writer. It’s how my brain best functions and I was experiencing a wealth of happenings – visions, astral travel, animal guides, visual downloads, tingling hands and so much more. For any new Neophyte it is an exciting and confusing time. It’s a time where you drive everyone nuts asking questions. It’s almost like being 4 years old again and constantly asking those around you “Why?”
Being told that we must each seek our own answers just didn’t cut it. I NEEDED to share experiences (still do) so that I could, in analysing, make sure I had covered all angles. I wanted feedback, different points of view so I could best understand. I wanted to be challenged so that my brain could really get to work in understanding at a far deeper level. My Teachers were wise and didn’t answer all my questions, instead they would point me in a direction and let me run. Or not. My path – my choice.
So I turned to writing, and found I had a huge reservoir of stuff to write about and started a blog. My old blog was very intermittent and has about 7 followers, so it’s not so terribly successful so far as blogs go, but heck we are not all supposed to be front and forward in the popularity contests!
I decided to transfer my blog here to this website, but find that like many Neophytes, at the time of writing I was filled with passion and very little actual knowledge. The basis of some of my blogs is good – some are positively cringe-worthy but I'm planning to bring them all here - only understanding some stuff but getting very excited about it is a part of growing! And so I have given myself the task of re-writing some of the articles and I am going to start with a biggie! “A Neophytes View of Energy” will now become “The Apprentice’s View of Energy” or maybe simply “A View of Energy.” I wonder if I will ever get to re-write it, in full Knowledge, as simply “Energy” LOL. I doubt it – we are constantly learning new things that have the potential to change our viewpoint.
It’s a big topic and was one of my most important Lessons. It was pretty much drummed into me. At one point I even discussed getting it tattooed on my forearm, but even so, I didn’t fully learn the depth, the scope of these three words until I experienced them myself. These are three words we all know; words Tesla used; but you also need to know they are far more than just words. They are words to live by
ENERGY. FREQUENCY. VIBRATION.
I find I am very strongly drawn towards helping other Newbies and Neophytes with their “Why?” questions. I will certainly never profess to hold the answers – just my answer at this time of writing, but if my view opens your mind to possibilities you hadn’t thought of, or sets your mind on a journey of discovery, then that is fantastic.
I’ve recently joined a number of Facebook pages that seem to be filled with Newbies and Neophytes asking for help – and the main, over-riding question/emotion is Fear – and how to over-come it. Comments from other folk, each in their own way trying to help, are so wide in their knowledge, or their lack; in “cures” that actually feed the fears; in highly complicated rituals; in protection methods (that generally still feed Fear) and more, that the questioner must surely be left feeling anxious and confused.
I want, from my current knowledge and perspective, to give you the tools to first recognise fear; to learn how you are probably feeding it; how to move beyond it and anything else that crops up.